


The End of Innocence

by seanchaidh



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-01
Updated: 2002-09-01
Packaged: 2018-01-09 12:14:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seanchaidh/pseuds/seanchaidh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene for "Into the Fire." What was Daniel doing while Sam and Jack dealt with Hathor?  Originally published in "Through the Liquid Eye."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End of Innocence

Sam left me alone with the Marines, settled in the Tok'ra tunnel with enough painkillers and water to hopefully dull the pain in my leg. I doubted it would work, and in a way, I didn't want the pain to go away. It let me know I was alive, that this was real, and kept me aware of everything going on.

I splashed a bit of water on my hand, using it to wipe the grime and sweat from my face. The puncture wound in my temple still stung sharply. The fringe of my recently shortened bangs tickled my palm, and I bit my lip to fight off a new kind of pain. This was deeper, unlikely to be healed by anything but time.

The agony of friends lost, of better times when I had hope.

Jack was the one who cut my hair. It was just after coming back from 1969 when we ran into trouble on a mission. I was having a hard time understanding the people we encountered, their language a strange mix of... well I'm still not sure. They didn't want us there, and when they realized we weren't about to understand their words, they decided to take physical action.

One of them grabbed me by my long hair and threatened me with his sword when I tried to resist. Message very clearly understood.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've been that badly frightened. Even with my hair being tugged almost out by the roots, I was desperately trying to communicate. It wasn't my own demise that bothered me. What terrified me was the possibility my friends could be hurt trying to rescue me, possibly even killed.

Jack is a master of non-verbal communication. He defused the situation with an ease I'd seen so many times before. He lifted his hands and his gun, making it clear he wasn't going to shoot. He talked loudly, but very slowly. For a few moments, I imagined he was talking to a big, snarling dog.

He made contact. Jack's eyes were locked with my attacker's, and no one moved. Jack just kept talking, and after a moment, he told Sam and Teal'c to follow his example. Sam mirrored Jack's stance with her MP-5, and Teal'c moved his staff to a vertical hold. The stalemate continued before an order was barked and I was shoved away from my captor. I stumbled forward, caught by Sam a moment before she pulled me along to the Stargate.

"Thanks and so long for the fish, assholes!" Jack called behind us cheerfully.

So thanks to Jack, we got home in one piece. Janet declared us intact, and General Hammond met us in the briefing room to hear Jack's retelling of another successful, if brief, mission. Things were so fine I felt like I was going to shatter into a million pieces. I kept tugging at my hair absent-mindedly, glaring at the long strands in annoyance and betrayal.

Why was I the only one who'd noticed the problem with this mission?

The thing is, I'd been warned ages ago something like this might happen. There's a reason why the military prefers short hair, and that's to keep enemy fingers from grabbing it. Mine dangled dangerously in the red zone, but I never thought it would really happen. I had my team to protect me - like Jack removing my glasses on the prison planet - but I failed to realize they were only human. They couldn't anticipate every situation and be there for me the whole time.

I was supposed to meet them halfway, and I failed them. If Jack hadn't been on his toes, I could have gotten all four of us killed.

When Teal'c, Jack and I hit the locker room, I hurried past my friends into my own shower stall. I wanted to be clean, to get rid of the stink of the planet and my own sweat. The water was hot against my skin, and my scalp felt too sensitive beneath my fingers as I massaged in the shampoo. The tension started to leave my body, but I still felt wired, a nervous energy fueled by the pessimistic what-ifs going through my mind.

I rinsed my hair and washed it a second time for good measure. What was the point of having long hair, anyway? In my mind, it was a way to show I was different. In the uniform, with the Beretta strapped to my thigh in the middle of conflict, I was afraid I might forget I was a civilian, or those around me might. Sam almost did once, but everyone assured me they wouldn't forget - I would vocally remind them regardless.

I was the last one out of the shower, and with a towel around my waist, I stared at myself in the mirror. I imagined the mission again and again, and my fingers toyed with my hair as I thought of the possibilities. It could have ended so differently, with any of us captured or dead. But if my hair had been short I could have just slipped away from those grasping fingers, the way Jack would have in my place.

I put my hands against my bangs, pressing them back against my skull. My forehead was bare and damp, and I kept an eye on my reflection as I slicked all my hair back. The hairs stayed in their new place for a moment before falling, giving me enough time to imagine myself with a completely different look. Would I look good with short hair? Possibly; it was so long since I'd last had short hair that I couldn't remember.

"Daniel?" Jack appeared behind me, already dressed with his jacket over one arm. He eyed me for a moment and in a cautious voice, he asked, "What're you doing?"

"Do you have a hair clipper I can use?" I wondered.

"Split ends are not the same thing as nose hairs," he teased, approaching slowly before frowning. "Daniel, what's going through that head of yours?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and offered Jack a smile I certainly didn't feel. "Nothing."

"Right." And he waited.

I turned to face him. "I'm entertaining the idea of cutting my hair."

"That a fact?"

"Yeah." Uncomfortable under his gaze, I brushed past him on the way to my locker. "I'm spending a fortune on shampoo."

"You should talk to Teal'c, he'd be happy to give you a matching Kojak look." The humor was only skin deep, and while he kept his distance to give me a margin of privacy, I could tell he was concerned. I wasn't sure whether to be happy or annoyed by his attention. "Does this have to do with today's mission?"

Dumb question. "Yes."

"I see." He waited for me to get my pants and shoes on before continuing. "Want to tell me exactly what you're thinking?"

"You want my opinion on how the mission went?" I asked.

"Yeah. Think you're up to it?"

"I think we nearly had a disaster and it's my fault," I said, glancing back at him.

"Because you were grabbed by the hair?" Jack wanted clarification and I was only too happy to oblige with a vicious nod. I pulled my shirt over my head before I could see his expression. "It's not the first time you've been ambushed on a mission and caught by surprise."

"That's true, but I've learned a lot since then," I pointed out. Self defense lessons from all three of my friends made me sturdier on my feet, and while I'd never be on their level, I knew I'd improved considerably. "I should've been able to defend myself."

"Hey, I saw you give it your best," he retorted. "It's hard to fight when there's a sword pointed at your throat."

"And a hand trying to pull your hair out," I added half-heartedly.

"That, too." He moved to sit next to me on the bench, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "So, what do you want to do about it?"

I reached up to tug on a few strands. "I could tie it back, but I really don't see myself doing that."

A smile tugged at his lips. "You'd look like a pirate."

"And since you'd be dying to buy me a parrot, I think I'll pass." Though the idea of a parrot using Goa'uld obscenities was a worthy concept. I planned on suggesting it at a later date. "I think just cutting it would be best."

"That could be," he agreed. "So, is this just an idea or an actual decision?"

"I don't know." My fingers stopped playing with my hair, and I found myself staring at Jack. "What do you think?"

That's a question I never ask, and Jack knew it. He glanced up at my hair and shrugged. "It's your hair, Daniel."

"It's worth a try," I said slowly. I wasn't crazy about the idea, but the more I thought about the concept, I found myself warming to it. If I didn't like it, I could always grow my hair back, and I was trying to address the problem in the only way that made sense. I nodded at Jack. "Fine, I will."

"Great!" He slapped my shoulder. "Okay, let's see what we can do about this problem of yours."

"'We'?" I repeated.

"Yeah, all four of us. Team-night. Throw in a pizza and maybe a movie, this could be a good way to relax." He nudged me with his elbow. "We were spared one of Carter's scientific mumbo-jumbo lectures. That's reason to celebrate, huh?"

"Jack..." I protested. Doing this on my own was one matter, and so was bringing Jack with me. But me, Jack, Sam and Teal'c? Oh, boy...

He grinned, his brown eyes crinkling at the corners. "Please?"

So I gave in. Jack arranged to meet me in front of my office in ten minutes and left me to finish dressing. He was two minutes early, and I barely had time to grab a few books before he dragged me topside. We left my car at the mountain, and soon we were at a strip mall where Sam's car was already parked.

Our friends were waiting for us inside a barbershop owned by an older and nearly deaf man named Leo. Jack was a regular customer, and the two exchanged greetings when we entered. Sam and Teal'c - a tasteful hat on his head - had come bearing rapidly cooling coffee cups, and I accepted one gratefully. I needed to fortify myself for what would happen next.

"This is going to be so strange," Sam said, giving me a quick hug. I had to hold out my arms so I didn't spill the coffee on her.

"I'm just getting a haircut," I protested, returning her embrace with an awkward one.

"I know, but still." She shrugged. "I should have brought a camera. The before and after pictures."

"Don't be melodramatic, Carter," Jack said, advancing on us. "Now, kids, we don't have all afternoon. Let's get it over with, and I get the first snip."

"You're joking," I said while setting down my cup and taking off my glasses. When Jack finished, I stared at him. He just smiled at me. "Jack, you have the aesthetic talents of a bulldozer."

"That's why we're here," Sam assured me with a sisterly smile. She gestured at the chair and went to grab the cloak. She draped it carefully over me with a big smile, her voice warm against my ear. "We'll stop him before he does something crazy. Besides, if you don't like it, you can always go after him with one of Leo's razors."

"O'Neill will finally know what pleasure it is to have the smooth skull of a Jaffa," Teal'c intoned with a hint of a smirk at Jack.

"Hey, that's not funny," Jack protested, still sensitive over whatever it was that happened when they switched bodies. I wish I could have seen them in action instead of being in comatose in Machello's body at the time. "But, you know, maybe the Jaffa look would work for Daniel."

"Scholars are not required to shave their heads," Teal'c pointed out.

"I'm safe," I sighed happily with a smirk of my own. I spotted my blurred image in the mirror and wondered again what I would look like. I squinted, trying to get the fuzzy aura to form into my head, but it didn't really work. I tried to substitute Jack's hair with my own - brown, not gray - and the mental image that formed wasn't too bad.

"Good for you, hairball," Jack grumbled. He adjusted the cloak and shot a look at Sam. She smiled at him and he shook his head. "Okay, Daniel, you ready?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" I waved my hands to indicate the shop before hiding them beneath the cloak. The smile I offered my friends was supposed to be cheeky. "I'm ready for my close up, Mr. O'Neill."

Leo prepared for the haircut, and I settled back to watch his actions. Jack was following him around, not quite getting in the way. He reached eagerly for the scissors when Leo offered them, opening and closing the instrument to test its sharpness. Jack turned to me and smiled widely.

"So, can I?" he asked and snipped the air for emphasis.

I sighed patiently. If I humored him, it would be over quickly. "Fine, go for it."

"Great!" Jack turned to Leo with a sly smile. "Leo, there'll be a big tip in it for you if I can do most of the cut."

"Sir!" Sam scolded. "Daniel has to go to work with this haircut."

"Indeed," Teal'c said gravely. "I would not be pleased if I am forced to shave Daniel Jackson's head in sympathy after we have gone to this much effort."

"And you don't want a grumpy Teal'c coming after you," I added, enjoying Jack's look of mock terror. His reaction was a good distraction from the image wanting to form in my mind. I really didn't want to consider myself with no hair. It was bad enough future-Cassandra hinted I might be bald and beautiful in the future. I intended to keep my hair for as long as I could, thank you. "So do me a favor, Jack. Just snip and go."

"Tough crowd," Jack muttered. He faced my reflection, positioning himself behind my back. "Any last words?"

"Leave me with some hair?" I suggested. "Please?"

"It's a haircut, not a slaughter," Jack said.

"How about this?" I pretended to consider a new option. "You're footing the bill."

"Fine," he groaned.

"And dinner?"

Jack glared. "That's pushing it."

"He's got a point, sir," Sam said.

"May we each participate?" Teal'c asked, and it seemed to me he was looking longingly at the scissors. Jack noticed the look and stepped quickly away to my left.

"Oh, I like _that_ idea," Sam exclaimed, moving close to me. "You shouldn't have all the fun, sir."

Leo let out a long-suffering sigh. "I'll be reading the paper when you decide you want to start, okay?" He walked off with a mumble, leaving me to a fate worse than a crew cut.

"Guys, maybe let the professional do this job?" I suggested, starting to inch down in the leather chair. I put up the appearance of protesting, but I was honestly enjoying their bickering. Even if they were arguing over my head, I liked the concept of what they were suggesting. Besides, the archaeologist doth protest too much.

"Sit up straight," Jack teased as he opened and closed the blades with a smile. "Ready?"

My gaze traveled to each of them, at the honest expressions I couldn't quite see in the mirror. "I'm not sure."

Sam leaned down so her face was beside mine, giving me that angelic smile of hers. "We'll make it worth your while, Daniel."

"There's that new Mediterranean place you've been wanting to go to..." Jack baited, like a devil on my other shoulder.

And above our heads, Teal'c appeared with one eyebrow raised. "It would be simpler if I shaved your head, Daniel Jackson. It will spare you the dishonor O'Neill will impart on your head."

I gave in grudgingly to my friends' words. "If you think this will work."

"Oh, it will." Still at my shoulder, Jack leaned forward so I could look directly at him. At that level, there was no mistaking what his expression was - good-natured concern. "It'll definitely work. Trust me."

I let out an amused sigh, then smiled at them. "Go for it, guys."

The haircut was fun. My friends fussed around me, and I didn't have the heart to complain. Sam took care of my bangs, her eyes narrowed in concentration as she calculated the lengths according to their neighbors. There's a reason astrophysics isn't hairdressing. For all his complaints, Teal'c took just a symbolic snip or two, if only because scissors lacked the finesse of a proper Jaffa _kerikone_. I asked him after the fact; it's something like a mix between comb and a razor. Jack was better off not knowing.

And while Jack didn't get the first cut, he did mangle the top of my head with his usual good cheer. Leo smiled sympathetically when they were done, just fixing up their work. He pulled me aside afterward to offer a free trim, but we had our run-in with Hathor before I could return.

It was a happy memory, one to treasure as my world came down around my head yet again.

I never expected to see my friends again. We hadn't heard anything about Teal'c, not since waking up in Hathor's future wonderland. If the Marines knew, I couldn't ask them because the Tok'ra tunnels weren't the time or place. We were trying to evade capture, limiting vocal communication in case the echoes could be followed. And in leaving us to see if she could find the source of this shield keeping us from the Stargate, Sam was meeting her probable death. One human with an MP-5 against two Goa'uld and a base filled with Jaffa made insurmountable odds.

And Jack was as good as lost.

I fully believed the next time I saw my friend, he would look at me with dead eyes animated with an evil white light. A cruel smile would twist his lips as he reached out to kill me. Maybe he would strangle me, or use his ribbon device to watch my brain dissolve. It didn't matter how I died. Jack would be taunted by the cruel internal voice of the symbiote, deriding him for his resistance and helplessness. No matter what Jack tried, he wouldn't be able to stop my death.

He was condemned to a living death, just like Sha're. At least watching me die and being responsible for it is one thing Sha're has been spared. Was it because they were both associated with me - my wife and my best friend - that they were now doomed to this horror?

On the other hand, I wasn't willing to count myself out just yet. We weren't captured yet, and while I was injured, I could still fight. I had a gun in my hands, and I knew damn well how to use it. If the chance was given to me, I would kill Jack.

It's what he'd want, and if the situation was reversed, I know he'd do the same for me.

I took another sip of water, trying to wash the copper taste from my mouth. I felt nauseated, not just from the pain from the tear in my leg but from _everything_. The Marines around me were restless, shifting around on the ground as they eyed the Tok'ra tunnels warily. We were all aware of the same things: the Jaffa were doubtlessly on their way down, and we would be trapped like rabbits in a maze we didn't fully understand.

That moment came sooner than we knew. Makepeace had set a guard near the entrance, and he'd sent a message about the first incursion before he was shot - so we assumed. Up we went to navigate further into the maze.

It wouldn't last.

We were caught between two groups, staff weapons herding us as effectively as sheepdogs. I limped last into the ambush, and when I realized we were trapped, I did the only thing I could think of. I raised the Beretta and tried to shoot the nearest Jaffa.

My hand trembled and the bullet ricocheted off the Jaffa's shoulder.

"A good try, Doctor Jackson," General Trotsky cheered as he and two bodyguards reached our section of the tunnels. I whirled on my good leg, ready to try again. "But a try is all it will be. You humans are pathetic. You can be overcome so easily."

Makepeace, a few feet ahead of us, yelled, "Do it, Jackson!"

I squeezed the trigger again, aiming at Trotsky. Nothing happened, only the click of an empty chamber. The Jaffa commander grinned, letting me keep the gun, but reached out to grab me by the hair. I reacted, jerking my head away and stumbling back out of his reach.

I wasn't fast enough. Trotsky hooked a hand around my collar and dragged me forward. The pace was too fast for my leg, making me stagger badly, but he ignored me as we made our way to the surface.

"Secure the prisoners by the Stargate," he ordered. "We must draw out Captain Carter. She is not among these prisoners or the dead humans. Our Goddess will not tolerate a rogue Tau'ri on the loose. Not while her consort sleeps."

The Jaffa marched the Marines off, but Trotsky kept me back for a moment. My collar still fisted in his grip, he brought his free hand up and grabbed me by the hair again. He smiled at me, fingers tightening in my scalp. "She will be drawn back to you, Doctor Jackson. Even if it becomes necessary to kill you so she is recaptured, you will not escape your fate. Hathor's new... chosen will have his way with you, regardless of Carter's fate."

I didn't want to react. I stared at him, the same way I met Hathor's taunts in the mock up of the 'Gateroom, and faced Jack's fate as the Goa'uld took over his body. No one would get the satisfaction of my reaction, but inside...

My heart was breaking.

Trotsky made a sound like a snort, letting go of my hair and shoving me away. He gestured for the last Jaffa to drag me in the same direction as the others. I could only limp along, desperately hoping my leg wouldn't give out under me but honestly not caring if it did. We were still alive, but so what?

My team was gone, and we were doomed. I never thought it would come to this; this was one battle we would never win. With my friends no longer there to watch my back, not even something as simple as a haircut could change the way things were and give me hope.

*fin*


End file.
